Posted by: Ben Hoeksel on June 22nd, 2010The author's views are entirely his or her own and may not reflect the views of the Utah Jazz.
Hey there JazzBots. I’ve returned from a long trip to NYC, and am thrilled to be back. I apologize for the lengthy hiatus.
I had an experience while in the Big Apple that prompted me to write this blog. Here’s what happened:
My wife is big into art. So on Saturday the 12th, I took her to “The Met”. I’m really not into art at all so I kind of parked it on a bench in the middle of the Picasso exhibit while she did her thing. For those who don’t recognize the date, the 12th was the day the United States played England in the World Cup. My goal the entire day was to avoid the score. I didn’t open ESPN on my phone, I kept away from dudes walking the streets wearing jerseys (of which there was a TON), I just wanted to avoid it so at the end of the day we could go back to our place and watch it. Well, no such luck. As we made our way back to a bunch of medieval stuff that somehow was labeled as art, out comes a jolly British kid literally yelling, “Yes! 1-nil! Go England…come onnnnnnn England.” Though I understand it was borderline impossible to avoid the score all day of such a big event in the biggest city in the country, I was reminded of the importance of Jazz etiquette. There should be formal classes on this; but since there isn’t, allow me to be your instructor for a few and guide you down the path to fandom sophistication at the highest level.
Lesson one: If you aren’t watching with the friend, never EVER mention the score. They may have been dragged out to dinner and missed tip-off. It is very rude to send them a text saying something to the effect of, “Man, I hate back to backs. This sucks.” Not only did you ruin the start of the game for your friend, you also likely ruined his dinner date. Now he’s going to be glum throughout the meal knowing the Jazz are suffering “back-to-back-itis”. A higher level of etiquette is knowing how to text a friend to find out if they saw the game or a particular play without giving anything away. Let’s say the Jazz played the Lakers, and smashed them by 25 points. And let’s say Deron Williams on the final play of the game did a crazy dunk in Kobe’s face. Next, you want to find out if your friend saw the play and the game. What do you text to them? Here is the wrong answer: “DUDE! Did you see that!! HAHAHA I hate the Lakers! I’m so glad Deron stuffed it in Kobe’s face!” That would be wrong, unless you knew for certainty they were watching live too. The correct text would be, “Did you see the game?” You’ll notice it is subtle, it does not contain emotion, but you are able to achieve an answer. If they answer in the affirmative, proceed to the aforementioned text above. This also applies to the NBA draft. Do not text your buddy what they think of the “player x” pick until after you verify they are watching the draft. It is fun to find out live for yourself. The big exception to this rule is trades. No one needs to wait until later on SportsCenter to catch the Jazz trade. Feel free to send a message out on that the moment you find out.
Lesson two: Viewing of a Jazz game is a highly emotional experience. Allow the viewer to be irritated during the game and after the game for an hour or so if they lose. Yes, we know it’s just a game. Yes, we know in the grand scheme of life, an NBA basketball game is rather inconsequential. However, the Jazz are important to those of us who are big fans. We’re emotionally invested. We can’t help it. They’re our guys. So, if it takes us a little bit after a game to come back to a normal mood, that’s not such a bad thing is it? So, the lesson in Jazz etiquette is: allow Jazz fans to ride that emotional roller coaster. It’s all good.
Lesson three: When at the Jazz games, don’t stand up and wave while on your cell phone with your buddy that’s also at the game unless they’re trying to find you to come sit by you. That’s pretty much it. No explanation there. Just always found that annoying.
Lesson four: Jazz games only happen once. No one game will ever happen again. As such, skipping the Jazz game from the DVR to record something else is a HUGE no-no. It is very difficult for any Jazz fan to miss a game and never see it. Especially if they won. I’ve had a few unfortunate instances where something took higher priority on our DVR and the game simply did not get recorded while we were out doing other things. Proper Jazz etiquette states that if a game is to be skipped, it is to be discussed in depth first before the decision is made.
I hope you all enjoyed our 4 lessons today. Stay tuned for next week when we discuss walking back to your seats in the middle of a play. Worth ejection from the arena? We’ll discuss……
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