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Who Wants a Punch in the Face?
Posted by: Jimmy Bragg on February 22nd, 2011
The author's views are entirely his or her own and may not reflect the views of the Utah Jazz.I don’t consider myself a violent person, but what I have been watching the last month or so makes me want to commit unspeakable acts. I really am beyond pinpointing the reasons we are losing or why Jerry left or what happened to Millsap’s game.
Long story short…I am angry. Should I be angry? I don’t know. It could be the product of unrealistic expectations for the year or I could just be an angry person by nature. (By the way, I HATE the word “nature”…and the word “word.”)
So, now I will resort to the only way I think that will give me the cathartic release that I need. I will make a list; a list that contains all of the anger, frustration and irritation I am feeling at this moment.
Here is a list of things I want to punch in the face:
- Myself.
- Matt Harpring’s fry sauce.
- Focus hats.
- Andre Kirilenko’s ankle, calf, and back.
- Carlos Boozer’s ego.
- Carlos Boozer’s ex-wife.
- Craig Bolerjack’s seatbelt.
- Mehmet Okur’s money, achilles tendon, and back.
- Ty Corbin’s mustache.
- Kevin O’Conner for Eric Maynor, Mo Williams, Sasha Pavlovic, Curtis Borchardt, Kirk Snyder, Kris Humphries, Robert Whaley, DeShawn Stevensen and Morris Almond.
- Raja Bell for leaving.
- Raja Bell for coming back.
- Scott Layden’s accent.
- Allen Handy.
- Allen Handy’s hair.
- Tom Kirkland’s hair.
- Siegfried.
- Jensen.
- Les Olson.
- Les Olson’s company.
- Morgan.
- Morgan Jeweler diamonds.
- Ben Bagley.
- Dell Schanze.
- Kobe Bryant.
- Kobe Bryant’s All-star MVPs.
- CJ Miles’ inconsistency.
- Fesenko’s jokes.
- DWill’s PR guy.
- The “Stop the Rock” song.
- The author of the “Stop the Rock” song.
- Crown Burger.
- Wesley Mathews.
- The Portland Trailblazers.
- The Clippers for matching the Maggette offer.
- Diabetes.
- Cancer.
- Jerry Sloan’s hats.
- Michael Jordan.
- Michael Jordan’s Hall of Fame speech.
- The guy who decided to make the Jazz pajama pants the “item of the night.”
- All of the people who have suite tickets.
- The Knicks #9 pick.
- The hot dog I have to pay $6.50 for at the game that looks conspicuously like the same one I can buy at Maverick for $1.50.
- The inversion.
- AK’s new hairdo (bring back the Kirilenko Mohawk).
- Wet toilet seats.
- The Pesky Timberwolves.
- Losses at home.
- Super-teams.
Hopefully reading this list has given you the peace and serenity that you need. If this season continues on the path it entered long ago, it will take some time to get over.
Replies: 24
Views: 1091
24 Responses
I think you have it pretty well covered..
I thought the Blazers would have been higher. One person I would ad: Patrick Kinahan…I can’t stand that guy. Otherwise, great list!
Lists FTW!
51. Reggie Miller
52. Derek Fisher joining the Lakers
53. Superstar referee treatment
54. The taste of cold medicine
55. ****tease Utah weather
56. Big Market franchises
57. McRib
you guys are freaking funny. I love when you cross paths with someone that has a similar sense of humor. However, there’s nothing funny about Jazz Nation Misery. Let’s punch this season in the face as well as the collective bargaining agreement negotiations. As for the Patrick Kinahan reference, his face should be at the top of the list to be punched.
LIKE! But what in the world, I love crown burger?!
58. Ric Bucher
59. That Berger guy
60. Anyone on the Lakers/Heat
I like Crown Burger too. BUT, it’s pretty lame when they turn on that fireplace and the whole joint starts smelling like it’s on fire. But Jazz fans all over Utah would starve if it wasn’t for Crown Burger.
Replace “Wes Matthews” with “Wes Matthews agent”
and what do u have against Reggie Miller? He has always stood up for the Jazz?
and I’ll be DAMNED if you’re gunna bash the McRib! How dare you hate on the food of the gods!
61. Stapling your finger while reading this damn post
62. Kid Cudi Haters ( Except Jazz fan and friends)
1-953. Glenn Beck.
Jimmy you missed 2 between Carlos Boozer ego and his ex-wife.. The Pimples on his head and the escort agencies who he kept in business while his wife was in Florida.
63. Chris Broussard
64. Stephen A. Smith
65. People That talk crap to me
66. Michael Jordan Shot in the nba final vs are very own Utah Jazz
67. Lil Wayne
68. Cj Miles When He keeps missing 3pt shots when wide open
69. My Sexy Basketball Shot
70. Call of Black Ops Ak74u Noobs :p
65. Hearing about Jimmer during the Jazz game.
66. Hearing Jimmer’s thoughts on Sloan’s retirement
67. WHY IN THE WORLD ISN’T MELO HIGHER ON THE LIST
68. Thurl’s T for 2
69. Phil Jackson
70. Losing at home
@David. . .people who post comments while I’m posting comments, forcing me to renumber my hate list. JK David – Kind of funny
71. People That Hate My Pic on The Spuare Thing By My name
72. Davide Locke.
73. J.R. Smith.
get a life.
if the above list is the cause of your anger, you need a reality check.
it’s only a game.
@david i can beat you in B-ops hahahaha
@Checkers- Just a game? Anything that I or other Jazz Nation Fans invest their time and emotions into is not just a game. The game “Checkers” is just a game. Basketball is so much more than that. If I have to explain that to you, then you have no right to post on this site! Say what you will Negative Nancy!
@preston ewell
those who live and die by professional sports, live vicariously through athletes and make a team their personal religion – paramount above all things – are delusional. there are far more important things in life that should be esteemed above Jazz Nation. it’s merely a sport, to be enjoyed. those who take it beyond that are deceiving themselves.