Posted by: Jonathan Noel on November 22nd, 2010The author's views are entirely his or her own and may not reflect the views of the Utah Jazz.
I have a friend who has a very unfortunate nickname. It is juvenile and inappropriate, but it was given to him way back in high school, a rather juvenile and inappropriate place. So you have to cut us some slack there. I don’t want to dwell too much on the subject but his nickname rhymes with “scoop” and sometimes you step in it. For the sake of this blog post, I will refer to him by his real name, Mr. Brown.
While walking my tiny little dog last night, Mr. Brown and I had the following conversation via Textual Message:
Mr. Brown: When is your next blog update?
Juan: Hopefully tomorrow.
Mr. Brown: Topic?
Juan: Got any suggestions?
Mr. Brown: Millsap is possibly Malone II. Jazz games are torture. Purple looks good on men.
Juan: . . . (speechless)
Right there, in one text message, I was bequeathed three topics each worthy of its own post. Yet in the spirit of Thanksgiving, you get all three, right here, right now. Thanks to your friends at utahjazz360.com and a certain Mr. (insert nickname here) Brown.
Millsap is Malone II
There will always be one, and only one Karl Malone. (Or as Karl himself might say upon hearing the comparison: “What did Paul Millsap did, that Karl Malone did not did?”
Paul Millsap will always be a rock solid, high rebounding lumberjack of a player who gives his all on the court and makes you proud to be a Jazz fan. He will be a borderline All-Star throughout his career, and will likely cross that threshold a few times (possibly as soon as this year) before he finally hangs ‘em up.
What he will never be is the second leading scorer in the history of the league and one of the top 20 greatest players of all time.
Love you Paul, but there is only one Mailman.
Jazz games are torture
For me, the headline this morning on ESPN.com sums it up: “Jazz stage another comeback to top Blazers.” Can we all agree this comeback thing has been fun and exciting and has galvanized the team and all, but that we are ready for a few blow outs?
Everybody loves to ride California Screamin’ in Disneyland right? The cool music, fantastic lakeside scenery and breakneck speed make it a pretty awesome rollercoaster. (Especially the way it starts – 0 to 40 mph in 5 seconds flat. Just like my heart rate when I see those McRib commercials.)
But the point is you don’t want to ride the hardcore roller coaster all day, every day, do you? It would be exhausting! You’d have a California Screamin’ headache by the end of the day.
So how about it Jazz? Can we ride Peter Pan or the Pirates of the Caribbean or something else for once? A nice easy win would be great. Mmmkay?
Also, please no more “It’s a Small Worlds.” (Losses to Golden State.)
Purple Looks Good on Men
I have to be honest, I laughed pretty hard when I read this. Two reasons: 1.) I think Mr. Brown still believes the Jazz’s road uniforms are purple. Sorry Bro, they are dark blue. (Maybe his nickname should have been “Colorblind Brown”) and #2.) Yeah, not really sure purple looks so great on dudes.
But if you know me at all, you know I spent the rest of my dog walking experience last night trying to come up with the top 5 men who actually did look good in purple.
#5. Grimace from McDonalds – Would be higher on the list but he obviously loves his Double Quarter Pounders with Cheese, if you know what I mean. Would it kill him to order a salad once in a while?
#4. The Purple Man Group – A one-time only performance done by the Blue Man Group after being punked by jealous members of Cirque De Soleil. (The old “red kool-aid in the showerhead” trick.)
#3. The Joker – The green hair. The purple jacket. The bloodstains. It creates a nice symmetry, don’t you think?
#2. Stockton to Malone – Because near perfection always looks good. (Just imagine their classic purple uniforms highlighted by a little ring of gold. On their fingers. *Sigh*)
#1. The Peculiar Purple Pieman of Porcupine Peak – Strawberry Shortcake’s main nemesis and piemaker extraordinaire. Also gets credit for my best ever score on the board game Scattergories. (Category: “Villains”. Letter: “P”)
Bonus point to the Pieman for pioneering “skinny jeans” way before those losers from Nickelback:
In summary; Millsap is great, but he’s not Malone. These comeback games have been fun but, sheesh, we’re ready for some cakewalks. And Nickelback sucks.
Also, if you see my friend Mr. Brown, ask him what color the sky is. His answer might explain some things.
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