I am 29 years old and grew up idolizing J-Stock. My adoration was so unnatural I remember wearing my oversized classic windbreaker and trying to make my mouth smaller so I looked more like him. It didn’t work; now, instead of looking like Johnny, who I always imagined would become a lumberjack after he retired, I ended up looking like a cross between Sly Stallone and some kid with a big nose everybody knew in high school.

Despite my shortcomings of looking like Jo-Stocky and the fact I failed six English classes in High School I graduated from the University of Utah with a B.S. in Journalism. Belie’ Dat Mrs. Hutchinson. Now I work for the federal government, which is a pretty sweet gig other than I have to keep my hair short.

The End.

Can I have my Jazz tickets now?