Posted by: Nick Knows All on January 28th, 2013The author's views are entirely his or her own and may not reflect the views of the Utah Jazz.
After the Jazz suffer their worst home loss in 30+ years as a franchise, I magically pulled a Kafka and transformed into a fly. I was able to gain access to the Jazz locker room, and hid in Demarre Carrolls awesome dreds.
But I was no ordinary fly! Oh no! During my brief tenure as a winged insect, I was shocked to find that I had The Gift; I was a psychic fly, capable of communicating with ex Jazz players and even the deceased! This is what I witnessed in my magical adventure!
“We’ve got to continue working to get better so we can work to continue to get better while better continuing to work better to continue better working to get better to continue working better to continue!!! It’s just one game. No big deal. You can’t overreact to one game.”
[sulking, head hanging]
“I want to clobber that guy with the beard. No really. I want dunk on his face and mop up the remains with that beard.”
“Hey! Over here! I’m open! Hey guys?”
“Don’t look at me, I made a three pointer!”
“!@#$%, I think this is going to be our last season.”
Earl Watson [to Tinsley]:
“Nah, don’t worry about it man! The Jazz will resign us next year!”
[furious] “I really, really, really, really hate losing. I can’t believe I let that white boy out rebound me!”
[chewing gum, playing Call of Duty with his girlfriend on his lap]
“Hey, I don’t give a !@#$%! I’m out of here by next February at the latest!”
“It’s OK Big Al! I thought you did a great job! Chin up, big guy! Now…where the ladies at?!”
“This is so embarrassing. Oh boy. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.”
John Stockton and Karl malone: “Man, we got out at just the right time. This team sucks.”
Jerry Sloan [to his sheep and cattle]:
[weeping into his tractor steering wheel] “Even strong men cry. This is what it looks like when a grown man cries.”
Kevin O Connor and Mark Lindsey:
“Tyrone is SUCH a great coach! He’s like, totally the best coach ever! I mean give the guy a break! It’s not like he’s had 3 years to get his !@#$% together! He does such an amazing job developing the young guys! Look, we’re still the 8th seed in the playoffs! We are playing great! No reason to be concerned!”
Greg Miller and Randy Rigby:
[giggling, high-fiving each other, counting their money, calculating how much net income they'll take home after the Jazz get swept out of the playoffs]
[rolling over in his grave]
Sadly, before I could make my way into the Jazz dancers’ dressing room, I transformed back into a human man, and was chased out of Energy Solutions by a septuagenarian red-vested usher.
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