Posted by: Nick Knows All on November 15th, 2012The author's views are entirely his or her own and may not reflect the views of the Utah Jazz.
HAHAHA!!! The Minnesota Timberwolves, the most injury ridden team in the NBA, have decided to sign free agent Josh Howard.
Hmmm. Let’s think about this for a minute. They Wolves are signing a free agent notorious for having injury problems in order to adress their team’s injury problems.
Nope! Don’t see any reason why this is a bad idea!
I imagine the conversation went something like this:
David Khan: “Aw gee whiz! Just our luck! Why are all of our players injured? We signed them to play basketball, not to sit on the bench! What a bunch of chumps! Softies!”
Rick Adelman: “Yeah David, about that…”
Kahn: I mean how is this even possible?! Who could have possibly foreseen that Brandon Roy would have knee problems?! I mean, how were we supposed to know that?!”
Adelman: “Yeah David, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. You see, I think it would be beneficial for the franchise if I were involved a little bit in the decision making process–”
Kahn: “Screw it! As long as we still have Andrei Kirilenko we’ll be just fine! He’s built like a Russian MIG! No! A Russian tank!”
Adelman: “Actually David, Andrei hasn’t played a full season in the NBA since–”
Kahn: “Have you seen Rocky IV?! That Russian is one tough sumuvabitch!”
Adelman: “David, if you’ll allow me just a minute, there are some decent free agents still available with little to no injury track record. And I’ve had my eye on a few guys from the D-League. Also, Kenyon Martin has already agreed to sign for the veteran’s minimum. I talked him down from the mid level–”
Kahn: “SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!!!! Josh Howard is a free agent?! Why didn’t anybody tell me this earlier?! Weren’t like, the Spurs supposed to sign him?! That’s what Howard’s agent said! I bet they forgot! HA! Screw you, RC Buford! You’re SO stupid! I’ll have the last laugh!”
[Kahn takes out phone and calls Howard directly]
Josh Howard [rushing to the phone]: “Kevin O Connor?! Mitch Kupchack?! Hello?!”
Kahn: “Josh, the Timberwolves would love to sign you for the veterans minimum!”
Howard: “Dammit Tim[Duncan]! I asked you to stop crank calling me! It really hurts my feelings!”
Kahn: “No, for realsies! All of our guys are injured, so that’s why we want to sign you! We know you’re a proven, reliable, sturdy player!”
Howard: “Ummm…Ok….Wait. Nah, This just ain’t right. Are sure it’s not you, Timmy?”
Kahn: “I found our guy, Coach Rambis! Josh Howard has actually agreed to play for us for the veteran minimum!”
Adelman: “What?! Rambis?! No! Listen to me, David. You’re very confused. My name is Rick Adelman-”
Kahn: “I’ve never heard of him. He doesn’t play in China does he? Maybe we’ll talk if he’s Russian. But first I want Josh Howard! He was going to play for the Spurs! Playoffs here we come!”
[Rick Adelman opens his mouth to speak, but can't find any words. He sighs, puts his hands in his pockets, turns around, and walks away]
Kahn: “Hey, Kurt–I mean…Rubio–whatever!–where are you going?”
Adelman: “The bar, David. I’m going to the bar.”
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