The Jazz: I wish I could quit you.

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The Jazz: I wish I could quit you.

Posted by: Elliott Zgraggen on October 24th, 2010

The author's views are entirely his or her own and may not reflect the views of the Utah Jazz.

Rather than give you reasons why you should pick me. I feel a need to be honest and give you reasons why you shouldn’t pick me.

Reason 1. A healthy Chris Paul is a better point guard than Deron Williams. Surround Chris Paul with the talent Deron has had throughout his career and it’s not even close.

Reason 2. Paul Millsap is not the second coming of Karl Malone. Heart and desire can only take you so far before size and length backs you 3 feet from the hoop and shoots it over you.

Reason 3. Stockton and Malone were not the hallowed saints they are made out to be. Their knees and elbows left a bigger trail of bruised ribs and testicles than a dirty boxing match.

Reason 4. There is no NBA conspiracy. David Stern does not spend nights thinking of ways to screw over the Jazz. The Lakers win because they are better. The Bulls won because they were better.

Reason 5. Push or no push, there is no way in hell the Jazz were beating Michael Jordan in a Game 7 with a championship on the line. None.

That being said…….

I scraped my knuckles on a very high ceiling the night John Stockton sent the Utah Jazz to the NBA finals!!!”. “David Benoit for 3….No!!” on repeat is what I imagine the soundtrack in hell to be. I think Sloan’s giant hands are more intimidating than Chuck Norris. If Mehmet Okurs jumpshot were a woman, I would make love to it. I own the late 80’s Starting Lineup action figure for John Stockton. And Pete Maravich is literally someone to whom I have prayed.

I may antagonize my fellow Jazz fans, but its all out of irrational love for a team that plays in a city where they don’t allow music. Pick me and I promise that you won’t be bored.

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