Posted by: Gerald on July 28th, 2010The author's views are entirely his or her own and may not reflect the views of the Utah Jazz.
Yeah, we already had a top 10 Jazz predictions, but that started out serious. It moved into the funny realm though, and thought it would be good to make this a new blog. (Also, go back one page to check out all the craziness that the serious blog had.)
I’ll put mine first. A few have read these, but here is the hard showing. (Tyson, you can post yours on here also. They were funny. And I would like to see Champ, Adam, Austin, and Henri get in on this action also.)
I had a dream. It was more like a vision. It was sent to me by some greater, higher power, for all to know.
10. Millsap replaces all the Jazz Dancers with clones of Will Ferrell to reinact the scenes from Boogie Nights.
9. Because of Gaines, there are man-killing chihuahua’s guarding all ESA doors. We now have free tacos and sombreros at all Jazz home games.
8. AJ will do what everyone else said. 25/12, all-star, but also will travel back in time to be the heir of all the previous Chuck Norris jokes. “Jordan didn’t earn any Championships. Just loaned to Jordan while AJ was going pee.”
7. Raja Bell starts his own talk show midseason, while still managing 14ppg, 5apg, 2spg, 5rpg, and 4clkpg (clotheslining Kobe’s per game)
6. Hornacek comes in to help Hayward. He employs the “bacon & waffles” manuever. But unaware to everyone else, Hayward under his pretty boy disguise, is really a genetic crossbreed between The Hulk and Bill Russell. Ends up breaking John Wall’s pinky by forcefully claiming ROY. (No one stops him because of AJ’s newly witnessed powers.)
5. AK plays like an all-star this season. When asked about how he primed himself to getting back into all-star form, his reply was ‘Memo came up to me before training camp and said “You bring the cornbread, and I’ll bring the b***ches.”‘
4. CJ, after his miracle showing over the Heat, shoots laser beams out of his eyes at DWade, CBosh, and LJames turning them in to Goldfish crackers (Flavor Blasted Xtra Cheddar.) Beware of hungry children.
3. Fes’s new found religion only gets him into more trouble. His only defense is “Don’t talk to me like you are George Freaking Clooney!” Somehow this is the same statement that chimpmunks make while having sex. Fes is now the father of 900 children.
2. Harry Connick Jr becomes Ronnie Price’s double, and Price absconds to Fiji to marry the only Dairy Queen owner of Mumbi’s daughter. Afterwards, having their honeymoon dancing on the streets of Champs-Élysées
1. During the finals, D Will puts on such a stellar performance (including casting magic spells of impudence on Wall and Arenas), that after the Jazz win, Jerry Sloan announces to everyone that the building was so cold it made his nipples play “Red Light, Green Light.”
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